Dennis Quaid says a 'white light experience' saved him from addiction: 'I'm grateful to be alive'
Dennis Quaid is opening up about the struggles of overcoming addiction.
The Reagan star has previously been open about his battle with cocaine addiction and in a recent PEOPLE cover story, revealed the spiritual moment that led him to seek help.
"I was in a band, and we got a record gig," Quaid recalled. "They broke up the night they got it, and they broke up because of me, because I was not reliable."
Explaining that the turning point came from visualizing his future, he said: "I remember going home and having kind of a white light experience that I saw myself either dead or in jail or losing everything I had, and I didn't want that."
The actor previously described his drug use as a means of coping with fame, after coming to Hollywood as a Houston-born youth and breaking through with his role in the 1979 cycling film Breaking Away. Quaid went on to star in hits such as Innerspace, Great Balls of Fire!, and The Parent Trap. But as his star rose, his struggles worsened.
Now, after seeking help and maintaining his sobriety for years, Quaid said, "I'm grateful to still be here, I'm grateful to be alive really every day."
Quaid added that reconnecting with his Christian roots in the '90's played a large role in his recovery process. He is now set to release a new album, Fallen: A Gospel Record For Sinners, that embraces the kind of music he's loved since childhood.
"I grew up at the Baptist church," Quaid explained. "I love the hymns that I remember from being a kid. The songs are self-reflective and self-examining, not churchy. All of us have a relationship with God, whether you're a Christian or not."
In an essay, Quaid once called his cocaine use his "greatest mistake," and unpacked the complicated nature of his Hollywood "bad boy" reputation: "I guess I felt I didn't deserve [fame]," he wrote. "I was doing my best imitation of an asshole there for a little while, trying to pretend everything was OK. Meanwhile my life was falling apart, and I noticed it myself, but I was hoping everyone else didn't."
Now, the married father of three is "the happiest I've ever been."
For him, sobriety is an ongoing struggle with a joyous result. "We're all looking for the joy of life — and drugs give that to you, and alcohol, and whatever it is for anybody — give that to you really quick. Then they're fun, and then they're fun with problems, and then they're just problems after a while."
Quaid added that he believes everyone is searching for "the joy of life," and achieving sobriety "was about getting back to that."
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